


Black Swan

by sseundalkhom



Series: The Garland [22]
Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 01:19:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15183584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sseundalkhom/pseuds/sseundalkhom
Summary: it's not what he meant. it's something beyond his wish to end everything. it's something that brought a big impact to his life.





	Black Swan

The door slammed with a bang. Minhyun shut his eyes tight, not willing to see the last look of the person who shutting his door loudly like that. He knew he had made a mistake, yet he refused to say sorry as he never hoped to be pinpoint which part he was wrong in the first place. It was his path, no one should judge him in every way. He had already grown up, so he thought he could decide what the best he deserved. Except for the unwanted marriage. A thing he never decided happening in his precious life, it happened—knotting with a perfect stranger. Although in the end, he dated someone else in his marriage life. He got a romance with someone else.

And it became a disturbance since then.

Minhyun did not want this marriage work. On the other side, his spouse—Jonghyun wanted it to work even himself did not agree at this forced marriage.

He threw back himself, falling on the mattress. He could not think anything else after the fight. The loud shutting seemed able to mute his inner mind and start dreaming of the numerous fight they had shared all these times. He realised he had many times offended him, despite it all, Jonghyun stayed. He stayed in this sick marriage. Minhyun could recount plenty of times they pretended that they were alright in front of their parents, their sisters, and their friends. They pretended to not _hurt_ each other, but they could not touch each other. There was an invisible wall he built, to distance themselves. But now he realised, he should give it a try in this marriage, _at least_ to please Jonghyun. One part of him wanted to do so, the other part told him it was a waste.

“What should I do for you, Kim Jonghyun?” He whispered through the night.

Without him knowing, on the other side of the house, right in the darkness of other room, someone was sleeping with tears damped the pillow. 

* * *

 

All the times it was the same. Neither both of them were initiating a talk. Nor a glance. As if they were living in their own shells and each other never existed in the world they lived. Going back home, it felt like getting back when Minhyun was unmarried. He never heard a shutting door from the other room when he came home late or early as if Jonghyun never lived there. The part they met only in the kitchen and the latter was very hungry and found his spouse there, they did not greet each other.

Minhyun realised Jonghyun was really mad at him. He was grateful then, that man would no longer care for him. He could go in and out easily without someone taking care of him, pointing which way he took wrong or right, the most important part had no fight over something he did not want to argue about. Just like tonight when he went out for having fun with his lover.

He could not take his eyes off the lover, fondly he spent all the night staring into the beautiful gem he ever treasured. Even when the other male was talking excitedly about how they spent through the shitty day, Minhyun was there and listening in silence.

“Minhyun-ah,” he called.

That man hummed, caressing the cheek of his lover gently. “Why you date me when you have Jonghyun by your side? Isn’t your marriage good enough to tell? Why do you cheat?”

He was stunned. He never saw it coming. He never expected to be asked with _that question_. Well, everyone knew his marriage was good and he thought they were fooled by his flawless action of treating Jonghyun before them like his king. Like the one whom he cherished a lot. But one person among them who was playing romantically with him now asking that question. That person should’ve known and realised there was something wrong in his marriage, instead of asking it after Minhyun barely had a contact with Jonghyun because of their fight.

“Minki…”

That man hummed back. Minhyun matched their eyes, trying to get his attention upon him and smiling at that man. “What if I was willing to marry you, instead of Jonghyun? What if I love you, more than him?”

Minki frowned. “I thought we’re just playing around these times,” he retorted, “but if I was Jonghyun, I would be very sad to hear that. But if you are here, with Minki, with the happy Minki. I love to hear you love me more than him.”

There was a bitter feeling at the tip of his tongue, making him wanted to have a second thought. He was loved to be around Minki, but Jonghyun—the person who stayed by his side even he hurt him many times, and so few nights he could recall when he slept alone through the darkness.

Minhyun leaned closer and landed his precious lips against Minki’s lips, tenderly he moved his hand from the cheek to the waist and pulling the man close to him. Slowly a shadow of Jonghyun disappeared from his mind, worries and glooms ceased their existence from within him as well. Part of him decided to no longer care for his husband. Part of him dismissed the thought of the marriage itself. It was Jonghyun’s problem in the end.

A faint voice he heard when he wanted to kiss Minki rough. “Let’s go from here,” one voice whispered. It sounded far from his spot, but his body woke up at its own. He stopped the kiss and broke away. He glanced at the figure away from their spot. It seemed familiar.

“I can’t let you wasting your tears here,” again, the voice sounded so familiar, demanding as making the one whom he talked with to obey his words.

Minhyun squinted his eyes, walked heading to the figure. Before he could reach, the man pulled a hand which Minhyun recognised in a split second. He was shocked. His feet were moving at its own, running behind them and as soon he reached them; Minhyun grabbed that hand.

The latter turned around and got shocked. “M-Minhyun…” he muttered under his breath.

“Jonghyun, let’s go.” The third person between them ordered Jonghyun around, demanding for sure. Minhyun steered his eyes to look at the other. Something really steered him to make his husband stay for this time, _for real_ , before he would regret everything.

“Youngmin, I need to talk with him,” he stated. He spoke in a commanding tone, not begging even his aim was to beg for Jonghyun.

“He is busy,” Youngmin snapped. His eyes told how mad he was toward Minhyun but the small man between them touched his arm, spoke through a glance at him.

“Give me a moment,” he said, _quietly_ , enough to tell how hard he composed himself at this situation. He brushed their hands off him, breathing freely and steadily his heartbeat while he faced Minhyun.

Youngmin had left them, a few metres away from them as he paid attention a lot of their body language.

Meanwhile, the couple was staring under the little rain poured onto them. Minhyun looked worriedly at his husband, yet Jonghyun pulled a forceful smile.

“Go back inside, Minhyun,” he told with a polite tone. That tall man shook his head. He knew he messed up many times and now—seemed it’s the climax of his deeds. Minhyun did not know since when Jonghyun was there, whether he listened to Minhyun’s word or not, whether he saw the kiss or not; but the possibility of seeing the kiss was 95% true. Minhyun could tell from the trace of tears on his face.

“Why, Minhyun?”

He got nothing to respond as if his brain stopped working at that time. He remained silent for a moment.

“You should go inside, Minhyun.”

He _still_ kept his lips close. Jonghyun chuckled. The latter knew Jonghyun might be frustrated at him, at his action and how he played victim at public like this right now.

“Let’s end, _this time_ ,” he said as he looked away. Minhyun frowned.

“Let’s end us, will we?”

Minhyun knew whether he ended his romance with Minki or he ended his marriage life with Jonghyun, but something seemed not right this time. He admitted what he had done these times was wrong, but he deserved a chance to fix what he had ruined in his marriage, he wanted a chance to heal the pain he gave to Jonghyun even he could tell it’s unfair after all. He wanted Jonghyun to be happy too, however, some of him needed the cause of his happiness was Minhyun himself even though he knew he was unable to make him happy.

Jonghyun was suffering all this agony because of him, he should not have made it harder any longer.

“Is it what you want?”

Jonghyun was smiling at him, this time it was meaningful, no force within as if the smile wanted to tell him something beyond words.

“I want you to be happy, to have a romance in your marriage, to have a husband whom you love voluntarily. Because you said so. It’s him whom you love more than me, I know, I should know my place. Our marriage wasn’t pure based on love, so I can’t expect anything from you even you pretend so good before them. This is not right from the start. We end this because you deserve more.”

Minhyun admitted he screwed up everything, tore everything into pieces and it shattered surrounding him. Jonghyun wanted him to be happy. After all these wounds he gave—

“Because you can’t stay with me, let’s end us,” he added.

It hit him hard. Minhyun could not say anything. At this point, he sensed an invisible thorn piercing into his heart, moulding a scar across his flesh and wrenched his bone. Everything was red right now. It’s so alarming.

“Jonghyun,” he called, _longingly_ he called that name.

“Yes?”

There was a sour feeling behind Jonghyun’s smile, Minhyun could tell. He wanted to say a comforting word but he could not tell. Like it was not likely his style to say that, especially to Jonghyun whom the one he hurt through his word. It was just awkward for his lips.

“Let’s end it.” That was the statement came out from his lips. He regretted it a second later.

It was too late. Too late to fix everything. Minhyun forced a smile plastering on his face. He should get out, run away from the scene, hide somewhere so he would not meet Jonghyun and hurt him any longer. It has been enough, he lost the chance because of his stupidity.

He moved a step away from the latter, yet the man called out his name. Minhyun had to look at the ground, not willing to face his own problem.

“Hwang Minhyun,” he called softly, the hand was reaching out for his husband.

“Can you do me a favour?”

Minhyun tilted his head to one side. He stood before him, looking deep into his eyes as if he sought something to read by his eyes. “What is it?”

“Hug me, for the last.”

He gulped. _for the last_ , he never imagined to hear it from Jonghyun’s lips howbeit he heard it now, clearly and perfectly said. His hand moved at its own, outreached a hand and pulled him towards the embrace. The last thing he could give. A chin brushed against his shoulder, Minhyun brought his hand to the nape of his called-husband. He shut his eyes tight, suddenly felt a sting.

In a blink, their position was changed when Jonghyun turned them around, breaking the hug and tiptoeing as he matched his eyes to him. He looked so small comparing to Minhyun when he did that. Somehow the taller male noticed a trembling Jonghyun in his grip. It was felt with a touching hand against his cheek. Jonghyun was trembling hard but barely aware of his tremor.

“Look at me…” He demanded, sounding so frightened.

“I have a word for you.”

His eyebrows furrowed. “What’s that?”

Before Jonghyun could finish his word, a loud voice muted their world. The only remaining whisper Minhyun could get from him before he shouted hard at Jonghyun, _I fell in love with my husband._

Everything was profoundly deaf that time even the sight of people running chaotically seemed loud, the picture Minhyun could get, it was lack of sound. There were no voices he heard so far. Like a mime, he watched surrounding him, then looked back to his Jonghyun who closing his eyes in his embrace. His heart wrenched.

There was a lot of sting in his eyes, in his heart which no words could explain how he felt to lose someone bounded to him before his eyes, in his grip when he was the one whom should’ve been defeated that time but Jonghyun took his place so…they could end their marriage. But not with this way, Minhyun never meant to end their relationship with a death. He wanted Jonghyun alive, so when he regretted everything, he could back to Jonghyun and restart everything.

_But it’s too late…_

* * *

 

He stared blankly into the sky. It was so bright even the sky looked so clear, with some clouds hanging there and flying in the wind. He still did not believe himself for today to give a send-off to Jonghyun for the last time. He still did not trust himself to hold a funeral for his person-called-late-husband. Even since when he wore that black uniform, he stared for a long time looking in the mirror if only it was a dream so he could change the colour.

Minhyun remained silent after the funeral service. He could not stop putting his eyes on the coffin where the body was confined there. He wanted to wake Jonghyun up from his sleep. But it’s a childish act. He knew Jonghyun would never wake up after yesterday.

“Minhyun.” The same voice from the man who took Jonghyun away from him at that place. The same one who told Jonghyun to get out from Minhyun. The one who insisted to take him away, to not let him have a second to talk with Minhyun; if only time could turn back, he would shun them immediately, he would not make the latter stay and say any words towards him.

At least, they still had Jonghyun by their side right now, if only he’s alive.

“Hwang Minhyun,” he called again.

The man turned his head, wordlessly he signalled him to speak up. Youngmin just handed him a post-it then he left to Jonghyun’s parent. Minhyun could see how much he adored his parents, treated them right, unlike him who taking their kindness for granted. Besides, he used to fool everyone, making them his marriage was more than they could imagine, pretended as if he was happy with Jonghyun.

Minhyun took a look at the post-it Youngmin had handed earlier. He was about to cry, feeling a sting in his eyes again as he noticed the writing. It was Jonghyun’s.

_‘it’s okay, it’s okay to love him even it’s hurt’ - j_

He gripped hard the post-it. He could not forgive himself. Jonghyun allowed himself to be hurt no matter how painful the wound he received, how harsh the words Minhyun threw at him; that man could not understand, even Youngmin who stood by Jonghyun’s side all these times. Minhyun could bet, Youngmin _probably_ wanted to punch him hard, much more to kill him for hurting his Jonghyun. That loyal right-hand man would kill him immediately if only Jonghyun did not remind him how precious their marriage was to him. Jonghyun never wanted to lose Minhyun, yet here — in any other way Minhyun had lost Jonghyun before his eyes.

He stared back to the coffin. In silence, he begged for forgiveness to Jonghyun, to heaven. So he would continue on living, with the repentance due to his wrongdoings.

 

**Author's Note:**

> [now playing : jyj - in heaven](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fnv1VG4HkiM)  
>  sorry for the angst, seriously ......   
> please leave some comments below ^^ i'd love to read your reactions


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